how to support a family with a baby in the nicu
I remember being in my hospital room when a photographer came in, ready to take a picture of my new babies. I had to tell him that they weren’t with me; they were two floors below in the NICU. he wasn’t sure how to react. people aren’t exactly sure what to say or do when a parent comes home… but their baby isn’t with them. this post gives you tips on what to do to help families with a baby in the NICu.
what not to do:
don’t ask when their baby is coming home. when a baby is in the NICU, their doctors won’t give an exact day of when the baby will be able to come home; it depends on the baby. and those parents are thinking about it all. day. long. you’ll just be adding to the stress.
don't give them advice (unless they ask for it.) I called everyone I knew who had had a baby in the NICU, but I had my twins at the beginning of the pandemic, and I felt like no one could even begin to understand my situation, and I definitely didn’t want the advice of people who hadn’t been in a similar situation.
don’t question their doctors or nurses. I’ve heard from people whose family or friends said doctors were just trying to keep a baby in the hospital and to fight them. unless a parent asks you and you’re a medical professional, don’t give them medical advice.
don’t say things like, “it must be so hard” or” you can’t imagine what that must be like.” they know it’s hard.
what to do
just listen. if they want to tell you about their baby’s progress or a nurse they love, just listen. call, text, check-in regularly and just listen.
bring food. instead of asking “what do you need?” just assume that family needs food. ask what time is good to drop off a meal and maybe include a tasty treat to lift their spirits.
if they have other kids, offer to help with those siblings. my family and friends watching my toddler so that I could go to the NICU was essential. maybe they need rides to school or someone to watch them for a few hours or just to go on a walk. it might seem insignificant, but it will help the parents so much.
help at home. if you come over and see dishes in the sink, wash them. if there’s unfolded laundry, fold it. anything will help.
Having a baby in the NICU is indescribably difficult. Whether it’s expected or not, whether it’s for three days or three months, it’s hard.
Hi! I'm Gigi; I'm a postpartum doula, mother to three toddlers, including twins, and a wife to my high school sweetheart.
As a former teacher, I bring realistic, evidence-based, and actionable advice (and LOTS of handouts.) I help families get all the tools they need to prepare, so once baby arrives, they can focus on resting and bonding instead of researching or stressing. I’m here to streamline the newborn learning curve and help birth parents, partners, and other family members. There isn’t ONE way to have and raise a little human. I’m here to guide parents to find THEIR way so that they can thrive in the fourth trimester and beyond.
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